Unhappy? Don’t Waste Time Complaining. Follow These Steps To Change.

Whether you consider happiness to be a state of mind or an activity, understand that happiness needs a level of commitment on our part. You can’t be happy by chance or accidentally. It needs some work. Rather than making excuses or complaining about something, follow these steps so you can become the happy person you should be.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – The Dalai Lama

Understand what happiness is

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

You cannot consider yourself happy if you do not know what happiness means. Many people cannot see the distinguishing lines between happiness and unhappiness. They tend to blame their predicament on poor relationships, spiteful relatives, and unpleasant experiences.

No one should be unhappy. It is an option. It is a choice that you can make. It starts with making that choice when good or awful things happen to you.

Take away the negativity in your life

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” – Martha Washington

What is making you unhappy? Learn to determine what is making you unhappy. It could be that you are working in a job that you don’t really love. Or it could be that the people you are surrounded with are people you don’t really like.

Whether you are in an unhealthy relationship, doing a job you don’t like, or surrounded with negative people always find the factors causing your unhappiness and get rid of them.

Look for the positive things in your life

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” – Lucille Ball

Once negative energy is thrown out of the door, try looking for the positive things in your life. Those things may not be obvious, but they are there. It may be in spending time in solitude, having a healthy body, or having a supportive partner. There is always something that should be worth your positive attention. No matter how awful things may look, always do well to find a good angle to it.

Appreciate the present

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh

Most times, what can be sapping our positive energy and happiness could be that we are worrying so much about the future. It is understandable that we live in a world where it is impossible not to think about the future and look back at the past. But all this falls on a perspective. Our perspective about being happy and blessed is to focus on the now. The present has all the wonders to offer. Why dwell on things we cannot control?

Create a plan to be happy

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

When you have started taking those mini steps to gain direction to reach happiness, you have to stick to a routine or a plan that works best for you and makes you happy. There should be no excuses, detours, or self-doubts. Whatever your plan may be, whether it is staying fit or doing charity work, make sure that you understand what you are going to gain from the end goal. Understanding this will keep your spirit pumped up and positive.

Be active in positive activities

“The only joy in the world is to begin.” – Cesare Pavese

Many people procrastinate and practice wishful thinking. However, having a plan and a dream is not enough. You have to be active and pursue your genuine desires. You should understand that work has to be put forth in order to become happy.

Featured photo credit: http://www.stokpic.com via stokpic.com

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6 Signs It’s Time to Change Your Life

Is it time to make some changes in your life? It just might be. Life is too short to not live it to the fullest.

Here are some signs it’s time to change your life.

1. Every week, you cannot wait for Friday.

Fridays are fun, but one thing I’ve discovered in my quest to find and do work I absolutely love is that almost every day can be really fun. If you’re saving all your living for the weekends, it’s time to truly think about your lifestyle and consider making some changes. Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to have plans you look forward to on the weekends, but what if you could have that excited Friday feeling most, if not all, days of the week? It takes a lot of self-discovery and work, but it’s truly possible to live a life you love—even on Mondays.

2. You live for your vacations.

Vacations are great, but what’s even better is building a life you don’t need to take a vacation from. As Seth Godin said, “Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” Vacations are fun and exciting, but even better is building a life where you have the potential to do what lights you up many weeks of the year, not just your two allotted vacation weeks.

3. When you stop and think about it, you’re really not focusing your life on your priorities.

Write down your 3 top priorities. Then write down the 3 things you focus most of your life on. Are you spending your time living your top priorities? Consistently spending time doing what matters most to you is one of the keys to feeling fulfilled in your life. If you’re not focusing your life on what’s important to you, it’s time to make some changes.

4. You have no idea what lights you up, and you don’t have the space in your life to discover it.

If you haven’t found your passion in your current life, you’re not going to find it if you continue to do your same routine, over and over, year after year. In order to discover what lights you up, start by creating the space in your life to seek it. Give yourself time to figure out who you are, what your strengths are, and what picques your interest. Experiment with learning new things, spending time with inspiring people, and doing more of what excites you and less of the things that suck your energy.

5. You’re frequently jealous.

If you find yourself frequently feeling jealous of someone, there are 3 changes to consider making:

1. Make a point to focus on your path instead of his or her journey. Sometimes this involves taking a break from social media.
2. Get inspired from the person you’re jealous of, and work toward a similar goal in your life.
3. Decide what the other person has is not something you are willing to put in the effort to achieve, so you’ll cheer him or her on but choose to not be jealous.

When you are feeling jealous, consider why you want what the other person has, and what your motives are. Living a life on your terms, focused on your priorities, passions, and strengths, will provide you with much more fulfillment than trying to be somebody else.

6. You can’t remember the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone.

According to Neale Donald Walsch, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Your life can become even more amazing if you stretch beyond your comfort zone. If you’re not sure where to start, try the tips in this article about small ways to step out of your comfort zone.

Life is too short to spend your years not living to your full potential. If you decide you’re ready to change your life, I encourage you to start taking small action steps toward the life you want to live. Keep moving forward.

Featured photo credit: Lauren McKinnon/https://flickr.com via flickr.com

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How To Lose Belly Fat Effectively And Healthily

Photo credit lifehack.org

Belly fat occurs when excessive abdominal fat around the stomach and abdomen has built up to the extent that it is likely to have a negative impact on health. For many, the belly fat is just the tip of the iceberg, it’s the deeper fat stores that form in and around your internal organs than can cause some serious health problems if it isn’t reduced.

Losing belly fat is important, not only for appearance and vanity but also for your health with research showing the significance of belly fat and its role in the risk of acute myocardial infarctions, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol as well as other inflammatory conditions.

Causes of Belly Fat

Women are more likely to gain excess belly fat, especially deep inside the belly as they go through perimenopause and into menopause when their menstrual cycle ends. That’s because as oestrogen levels drop, body fat is redistributed from the hips, thighs, and buttocks to the abdomen.

For men, the natural reduction in testosterone as they age means excess calories are often stored as visceral fat and thus the accumulation of belly fat occurs.

Stress and the cortisol connection contribute to belly fat as well.Research findings support the hypothesis that cortisol secretion might represent a connection between stress and abdominal fat distribution.

Abnormal Fats vs Normal Fats: Not All Fats Are Equal

The first type of body fat is the structural fat which fills the gaps between various organs. Structural fat also performs important functions such as bedding the kidneys in soft elastic tissue, protecting the coronary arteries and keeping the skin smooth and taut.

The second type of fat is the essential fat reserves. This is the normal reserve of fuel used when the body is faced with immediate dietary insufficiencies such as regular low-calorie diets. Such normal reserves are localized all over the body.

Both structural and essential fat are normal, and even if the body stocks them to capacity this can never be called obesity.

The third type of fat, belly fat, is entirely abnormal and is non-essential.

It is the accumulation of this fat which creates the dreaded belly fat. This abnormal fat is also a potential reserve of fuel, but unlike the normal reserves, it is not available to the body in a nutritional emergency or during most diet programs. This third type of fat is the causative factor in health problems associated with belly fat.

It is difficult to remove and adds to further fat stores in the body due to its ability to slow down the metabolic rate.

Interventions that Reduce Belly Fat

Diet

The number one rule in reducing belly fat: DO NOT start by decreasing your fat intake. Not all fats are bad fats. In fact, eating certain fats can help you reduce belly fat.

Good fats that you need to add to your eating regime include avocados, olives and other sources of Omega-3. A study in the International Journal of Obesity found that eating three 5-ounce servings of salmon per week for four weeks as part of a low-calorie diet resulted in approximately 2.2 pounds more weight loss than following a diet that didn’t include fish.

Dan Mendilow shares some fantastic points on what you need to do to turn your body into a belly-fat burning machine by replacing a few unhealthy foods with healthy foods. Dan goes on to explain the importance of eating certain fats and why you should not be shunning them in your quest to lose your belly fat:

• Studies have shown that drinking diet drinks greatly contributes to belly fat. By drinking sugar-sweetened beverages excess sugar, mostly due to the large amounts of fructose present, can lead to increased accumulation of fat in the belly.
• Apple cider vinegar is a great way to kick-start your metabolism and get belly fat moving. “One theory is that the acetic acid in the vinegar produces proteins that burn up fat,” explains Pamela Peeke, professor of medicine at the University of Maryland and author of Fight Fat After 40.
• With stress and the cortisol connection, your body starts to produce more insulin as you age, since your muscle and fat cells aren’t responding to it properly. With the increase in insulin comes fat storage, especially around your belly. A diet high in protein may protect you against insulin resistance, thus decreasing belly fat.

Exercise

Skip the crunches. Abdominal crunches and sit-ups should build strong muscles, but you might not see them under belly fat. In fact, crunches might actually make your stomach look bigger as you build up thicker abdominal muscles. Instead, if you strengthen your back muscles, your posture will improve and pull in your belly.

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15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Photo credit lifehck.org

Highly confident people believe in their ability to achieve. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else put their faith in you? To walk with swagger and improve your self-confidence, watch out for these fifteen things highly confident people don’t do.

1. They don’t make excuses.

Highly confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; they were late. They don’t excuse their short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; they make the time and they keep on improving until they are good enough.

2. They don’t avoid doing the scary thing.

Highly confident people don’t let fear dominate their lives. They know that the things they are afraid of doing are often the very same things that they need to do in order to evolve into the person they are meant to be.

3. They don’t live in a bubble of comfort.

Highly confident people avoid the comfort zone, because they know this is a place where dreams die. They actively pursue a feeling of discomfort, because they know stretching themselves is mandatory for their success.

4. They don’t put things off until next week.

Highly confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear of change. They take action here, now, today – because that’s where progress happens.

5. They don’t obsess over the opinions of others.

Highly confident people don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While they do care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world, they don’t get caught up in negative opinions that they can’t do anything about. They know that their true friends will accept them as they are, and they don’t concern themselves with the rest.

6. They don’t judge people.

Highly confident people have no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. They don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. They are so comfortable in who they are that they feel no need to look down on other people.

7. They don’t let lack of resources stop them.

Highly confident people can make use of whatever resources they have, no matter how big or small. They know that all things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. They don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.

8. They don’t make comparisons.

Highly confident people know that they are not competing with any other person. They compete with no other individual except the person they were yesterday. They know that every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.

9. They don’t find joy in people-pleasing.

Highly confident people have no interest in pleasing every person they meet. They are aware that not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.

10. They don’t need constant reassurance.

Highly confident people aren’t in need of hand-holding. They know that life isn’t fair and things won’t always go their way. While they can’t control every event in their life, they focus on their power to react in a positive way that moves them forward.

11. They don’t avoid life’s inconvenient truths.

Highly confident people confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. They know that problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. They would rather have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner today than sweep an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.

12. They don’t quit because of minor set-backs.

Highly confident people get back up every time they fall down. They know that failure is an unavoidable part of the growth process. They are like a detective, searching for clues that reveal why this approach didn’t work. After modifying their plan, they try again (but better this time).

13. They don’t require anyone’s permission to act.

Highly confident people take action without hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves, “If not me, who?”

14. They don’t limit themselves to a small toolbox.

Highly confident people don’t limit themselves to Plan A. They make use of any and all weapons that are at their disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until they identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort.

15. They don’t blindly accept what they read on the Internet as “truth” without thinking about it.

Highly confident people don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. They look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. They maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to their lives, and forgetting about the rest. While articles like this are a fun and interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.

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14 Ways Positive People Separate Themselves From Negative Energy

Negative energy can be found almost everywhere. There are people complaining about life constantly, practicing bad habits and bringing you down. The emotions they spread influence your thoughts and actions in a bad way so avoiding the sources of negative energy is obligatory if you want to be more successful.

Everyone can be easily affected by negative emotions and the only exceptions are people who learned how to deal with it. These 14 Ways will show you how positive people handle negativity so you can apply it to your life.

1. They create happiness from within.

Happy people don’t base their happiness on external stimulations. They realize once the stimulant is gone, their mood would be ruined. Instead, they look for internal sources of positive energy and practice mindfulness.

2. They practice positive thinking.

Thoughts influence your actions, so, if you think negatively, there’s no bright future ahead of you. Positive people don’t believe in the excuses their minds come up with. Through positive affirmations and finding the good side of any problem, they make sure they are mentally set up for success.

3. They look for reasons to believe in themselves.

“Never let the negativity get to you. There are gonna be a lot of people you have to plow through, but as long you believe in yourself, that’s all that matters.” – Becky G.

There are endless reasons to believe in yourself even if you feel completely helpless and worthless. These negative thoughts are temporary obstacles and most of the time, they are made-up.

4. They cut off negative people.

Your surroundings have a tremendous impact on yourself. If you spend time with positive people, you are more likely to be happy and content. On the other hand, if you are too close to naysayers and complainers, you will have a hard time removing the negativity from your life.

Use these 9 tips to deal with negative people.

5. They train regularly.

Physical training is associated with releasing endorphins which are responsible for “feeling good.” Treating your body the right way pays off and results in reduced stress and boosted happiness. On the other hand, if you ignore your body’s needs, it will let you experience the negative consequences soon enough.

6. They spend time in the nature.

Being in the nature clears your mind and relaxes your body. Positive people dedicate a part of their day to get outside and admire the beauty of our planet. It’s a great way to load your batteries!

7. They avoid impulsive spending.

Nowadays, extra deals and sales fight for your attention, so it’s easy to end up lost in the buying mode. Whereas excessive buying may make you feel better instantly, from a long-term perspective, it’s an unhealthy habit positive people avoid at all costs. They would rather invest in experiences to discover the world and create some great memories.

8. They accept failure.

Positive people embrace failure as they realize it’s the only way to learn and grow. Whenever they collapse, they work hard to get at the top again instead of giving up. Even though a failure brings negative emotions, they comprehend these are brief and will fade away quickly. To accelerate the process, they keep thinking positively.

9. They take full responsibility.

Positive people always give themselves the responsibility for what happens in their lives. Whether it’s a success or failure, it’s always an effect of their actions and thoughts. A positive person will never blame external factors and focus on things within the reach that could be improved.

By doing that, they pursue being better and experience constant progress instead of getting frustrated by things out of their control.

10. They learn to control their thoughts.

A mind can be easily brought out of control by sudden negative thoughts. Positive individuals know if they don’t control their thoughts, they will lose control over their actions and behaviors. For this reason, they practice mind control, for example through meditation.

11. They devote some time to relax.

Instead of trying to be perfect, positive people realize sometimes you need to slow down, make your goals and ambitions secondary and simply loosen up. By doing this, they avoid burning out which would cause unnecessary negative energy.

In a nutshell, they take a step back to move further the next day.

12. They believe there’s always a solution.

Sometimes, life hits you hopelessly hard. At these moments, you tend to doubt your abilities to solve the current problem. The fact is, there’s always a way to overcome an obstacle and positive people keep that in mind. Even if they reach rock bottom, they believe it happens so they can get to the top even stronger.

13. They know when to say no.

The value of saying ‘no’ and ‘yes’ at the right moment is priceless. Opposed to misconceptions, these two words have an immense power and how you use them dictates what happens in your life.

Positive people focus on their priorities instead pleasing others. That’s why they know there are many things you don’t need to say yes to.

14. They don’t look for anyone’s approval.

If you let others’ opinions paralyze you, you will have a hard time feeling good and happy. Many people are afraid of not getting validation and being criticized. Positive individuals think and act quite the opposite.

They use disapproval as an indicator of being authentic and true. The fact is, there are countless things you don’t need anyone’s approval forthough you think you do.

Featured photo credit: web4camguy via flickr.com

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Psychologists Confirm 5 Signs That Show You Are In A Long Lasting Relationship

Relationships have different colors. Some have a terrific start but fade away suddenly. Others have to rough it out in the beginning but make it through fine. Why do some relationships last while others die off? What is the secret sauce that makes a long lasting relationship?

According to Psychologist John Gottman, who has spent the last 40 years of his life conducting research on couples, most marriages that result in divorce are not because of major differences in opinion but rather the inability to communicate differing opinions in a cordial manner. Also, many people try to change their partner’s personality according to their own wishes rather than accepting them as they are.

Research Method

Dr. John Gottman’s research methods include analyzing couples in a home-like setting which he calls the Love Lab, where they talk to each other about everyday things or argue. “In the Love Lab, researchers claim they can predict with 91% accuracy whether a couple will thrive or fail after watching and listening to them for just five minutes“. The video cameras record not only the manner in which couples interact but also their reactions. Based on observations made about hundreds of couples over a period of 40 years, the researchers at the Relationship Research Institute are able to identify the signs that show if a couple is in a long lasting relationship. Read on to find out more about how the researchers’ findings can be used to help your relationship.

Findings

“What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.” – Dr. John Gottman, The Relationship Research Institute

Here are the 5 signs that show that you are in a long lasting relationship:

1. You are courteous to each other

You talk to each other in a way that is cordial and friendly. You treat your partner as your equal. When you speak to each other in a manner that reflects respect, this fosters a long lasting relationship.

2. You complain, but you do not criticize

Your complaints have an “I” tone rather that a “You” tone. You do not take complaints against each other to another level and start saying critical statements about your partner’s character or personality. You understand that forgetting to pay the rent on time means that there is an opportunity to work on time management skills, rather than thinking they are a failure.

3. You are not contemptuous towards each other

You speak to each other in the language of love. Name calling, sneering, eye-rolling and hurtful comments are not a part of your daily conversations. You understand that the words you do not like to hear from your partner, you should also not say to them.

4. You do not put each other down

You focus on conflict resolution in an amicable manner. You understand that conflicts are not a battleground to establish your power over one another, but an opportunity to hear out a perspective that is different than your own. When differences in opinions emerge, you remind each other that you are a team and you are on each other’s side.

5. You do not ignore each other

You acknowledge each other’s feelings and hear out each other’s frustrations. You do not use silent treatment to ignore what your partner has to say, especially after a confrontation.

For more information on the research and the findings you can refer to this article or read more about long lasting relationship here.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via static.pexels.com

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10 Signs That Your Relationship Is Worth Keeping

Photo credit ifehack.org

Do you think your relationship has grown stale? Are your friends single, and you feel like you’re missing out on something when they go out to bars and you’re left at home? If you’re truly unhappy, you might be better off ending things. But just in case you’re only swept up in temporary emotions – here are ten signs that your relationship is worth keeping.

1. You Have Fun.

Whether you’re staying in or out on a date, you have fun with your partner. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, just being together is enough to have a great time.

2. Your Partner is One of Your Favorite People.

It’s healthy to have friends outside of your relationship, but is your partner one of your best friends? If so, that’s a good sign. After all, don’t you love spending time with your friends? If your partner is one of your favorite people, you’ll value him/her as a person, not just because they’re your significant other.

3. You Still Get Butterflies.

Sometimes hugging and kissing feels like an obligation, something you do on your way out the door. That’s understandable, because our lives are busy. But take time together. Steal a moment and share a tender kiss without a ticking clock. Do you still feel butterflies in your belly? Do you get goosebumps? This is a good sign that you’re still passionately invested in your relationship.

4. You’re Both Communicating.

As you become more familiar with your partner, you might stop sharing things because you expect them to already know everything about you or you might not have time to tell them what happened during your work day. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If you and your partner still talk, still share daily occurrences as well as hopes and dreams, then you’re both putting forth the effort that a solid relationship requires.

5. You’re Open With Each Other.

Healthy relationships are based on honesty. Don’t keep secrets from your partner – unless it’s their birthday present! Don’t snoop on their phone or in their email. You have to be open with your partner, and you have to trust that they’re being just as honest with you.

6. You Can Work Through Any Problems.

If you’re having trouble in your relationship (which, face it, everyone does at some point), you and your partner are able to work through it. This means you’ll have to draw on your communication skills, as well as your deep love and respect for each other. Having senseless shouting matches is something you might have done as a teenager, but in an adult relationship, you need to talk things through and work it out together.

7. You’re Not Attracted to Anyone Else.

Ok, this one might seem like a tall order. You can still be attracted to others – that’s just human nature. But there’s a difference between seeing someone pass by and admitting they’re attractive and following them to get their phone number. Are you attracted to someone else to the extent that you want to fool around with them, or be in a relationship with them? If so, then you might need to be up front with your current sweetie and end things. If you’re just checking out the eye candy and moving on, it’s healthy and you’re probably in a worthwhile relationship.

8. You Can Be Yourself.

Do you have to act like you’re into a certain sport or band to have a good time with your partner? Or can you admit when you don’t like a certain movie or book? If you feel like you have to act like someone else to be liked, then you’re not in a good place. If you’re able to be yourself and have things in common or not, then you’ll work towards building a stronger relationship.

9. You’re Able to Grow Together.

You and your partner want the same things, right? If you want different things, are you willing to compromise? Do you both acknowledge there’s a future? If you want to stay in a committed relationship, you need to both know where it’s going, and be willing to work on it together.

10. You Don’t Want to Be Without Them.

It’s obvious you’re in love because you’re in a relationship, but the bottom line is – do you enjoy being with them more than you enjoy being without them? It’s normal to want to be alone sometimes, but if you’d rather be alone or with other friends all the time, you might need to cut your partner loose and spend some more time getting to know yourself. But if you hate the thought of being apart from your partner for too long, or being without them completely, then your relationship is definitely worth keeping.

Relationships are tricky. And there are no shortage of unhealthy ones out there. Check out the cover of any gossip magazine if you want proof of that. 10 Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship

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